Before Am Gone.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

ok before i start writing abt my great experience yesterday.. i found sth so unbelievable!!! i've got a blog in 2004!! n i din noe. no i mean i forgot all abt it. e last blog was Tuesday, August 31, 2004 9.05 pm. oh man!! suprise!! stunned!! haiz.. gonna delete it anyways.. haha.. so weird.. thought it wasn't mine.. but erm how can i assess into it wen i got e user name and password. haha! okies.. tts my findng this afternoon..

28th April 2007:

went to work at 9am. super tired! but haf to go.. cox i noe they're short of staff.. muz be responsible. but i dun like e feeling of 'not feeling like going to work' in e morning, or even e night before. tt somehow means tt u've lost interest in tt job. but i din! i mean i've always wanted to try to work as admin. and now i did it! but. maybe it's juz my brain. STM. anyway, i told them tt i'd to leave at 1230, cox i haf something on later. and so i left at ard 1240pm. went to tanah merah station. andrea, qixiang, zhi hui, marian n wen xiong already reached e old folks home (Moral Home). so andrea gave me instructions of how to get there. so e instrustion was.. turn right wen u come out of e station. so i did. and there was a sign blocking the way. and nobody's turning to tt direction. there's also an escalator down to a tunnel i think. and pple are heading tt way. so i thought for a while, den i decided to take e escalator down too. perhaps it'll bring me to e 'right' bus stop. haha. and yes! i did it! haha.. silly me..

bus 14 was realli a veri long wait. wen i get there, i'm stucked outside e home wif a few of e volunteers. haha.. cox e gate wasn't opened. and siew chin is not here yet! hah.. she's lost.. hehe she's even blurrer den me.. haha! she took like 4 buses to get to e home. anyway i'm so happy to see how. cox she's my parnter!

we're paired to an old lady. she din seemed to like us at first, but then after much conversation, we did get along well :) and i spoke realli bad broken hokkien. haha.. e old lady had to mix chinese with hokkien to talk to me, so tt i can talk to her in chinese too. hehe.. sorri ah ma! :) but i love you! :) den.. firstly we sang songs wen e ah gongs and ah mas gathered in e assembly area.

zhi hui and qixiang performed harmonica and we sang along. they're really great! i nv thought harmonica sounds so nice. haha..

[was worried abt sth then.] anyway after tt we brought them to e near by park. as most of them are wheelchair bound, we needa pushed them to the destination. and i can say tt it's not an easy job. i've done it before, as my grandparents needa use a wheelchair wen they go out. so yar.. i'm sort of used to it. but there's obstacles too. like getting down from a step it's not easy.

so wen we reached e park, we strolled along.. den stopped at a shady place. [was worried abt sth still.] and once again, performed songs for the old folks. i can say tt e youngsters and volunteers enjoyed. but i dunno abt e old folks. haha! i noe they're sure hungry. hehe..

so we went back right after tt.. and served them dinner. some were veri impatient as they're veri hungry and their frens are being served first. haha.. andrea and her frens are entertaining themselves. haha.. with lots of old songs.. mananged to take a few grp pics though!

and wif our name tags :)

later on there's a de-brief and we can go! yeah! i'm so damn hungry cox haven eaten any except for a bread in e morning before i started work. so yes! i'm so hungry! but we still took bus 14 to town. long but enjoyable ride i can say :) [continuation of worrying.] i'm like a tour guide for my owner. haha.. muz bring her ard singapore next time. hehe.. :) den we ate pepperlunch!! yeah!! is wat i wanted to eat lar.. hehe.. a lot of mehs mehs in takashimaya. haha!

den walked ard.. had ice cream.. and i had my churros! yeah! shared wif my owner :) after tt we walked ard in far east plaza. den went home. so tired! legs are giving way ard.. so tts abt it! :) rested not veri well but was so realli tired. [worrying in process]. [worrying stopped today afternoon]. tts all folks! :)

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, e nurse told us tt we should start by looking after n caring for our old folks at home. i totally agree, but sometimes, it's out of my control. think grandma's situation is getting bad. but i cant do anything. she's going for check up soon. so i hope it'll help. u knew i cant sleep properly last nite. but i think i could tonite. thankx for reassuring me although there's a lot of negative scenes picturing in my head. anyways, i'm glad it's all over. thankx Angel. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
3:50 PM

Thursday, April 26, 2007

stayed home all day. think it's gd to let it all out :) bro injured his finger yesterday.. dunno how to take care. swelling alr.. ask him to put ice on top. he wanna play game. until veri pain den go n take ice. dunno wat to say lar! haiz.. now dunno where he go.. not home yet. he put ice, e ice on his lap, his fingers on e keyboard. WTH! might as well dun put rite.. dunno whether he went to see e doc.. anyways i was watching CSI for e past few days. be it NY, Miami or LV.. so happy to watch tt! hehe.. it juz triggers my lazy brains.. hehe. :) den so tired e whole day. napped for a few hrs. ohmanz.. dunno if i can sleep tonite. working tml also.. oh yar! most importantly!!! i've got e schedule for e writing clinic alr.. starting 16May, every wed. 6-9pm. so cool! i cant wait to start sch! i miss sch days.. thank you my frens for entertaining me these few days.. thankx agatha.. i'll see wen i'm free ok. den let's go out again :) sat will be going to old folks home with zhi hui(my owner), andrea, qi xiang, siew chin, maybe marian n wen xiong. think should be fun :) after tt they wanna go escape.. huh.. no $ leh. :( lets see how it goes :)

met up wif Jillian yesterday. we're combining forces to enter a lyric competition. hehe. :) well suddenly i miss all my singing frens.. :_( we should meet up some of these days. :)

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, i see u flying in e sky, returning by my side last night. thank you so much. u need not apologize. u deserve to fly free n high. i love to see u fly. its e freedom tt is lovely. if u do noe, tell mi tt there's nuttin anymore. i cant think of so mani things at a time. tell mi to let go wen it's time. let mi forgive den forget. its ok to let mi noe now. really. it's sooner or later. i can take it. really. trust me. i juz wan e truth. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
10:45 PM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

there are always time for happiness. but it nv last long. i felt so lost. nuttin is going right, and i can juz pretend tt everything is fine. pple say tt it's so easy to blame others den yaself. for me, its e other way round. always. now there's sth stucked in my head. y am i doing this to myself. i dun wanna be mistaken. but i cant help it. felt so neglected. my bro is going to NS. did i mention it be4? haha. den i'd like to mention again. i dun blame my mum for putting her attention to my bro, cox he's leaving soon. but she put e wrong attention on me. she makes me feel tt i'm turning bad. wen i'm not. cox now she compares. wats there to compare? wif her fren's daughers n sons. we're all diff. i liked e way i am. she noes tt i will not please her juz for e sake of making her happy. i am truthful towards my family members. but do they even realised. therefore i've learnt to pick e right things to tell them. my bro pays attention to all e time he have now. playing games, watching soccer matches.. coming home late.. i'm like so alone at home. maybe i liked it. but i'm not used to it. wen u say sth and nobody listens. they juz hear u. frens were asking abt other things except for me. it always concern e other party more. those who are reading, dun think so much. i might not be referring to u. dun ask mi also. i'm depressed. dun mention. i'm lost. everybody is busy. i noe. i am too. but wat can i do to be even busier. i can dream of e best thing tt could ever happen, but it'll nv come true. i dun wanna live in my dreams. nor i wan it all to come true. confused. but i'm good. STM makes me forget a while. wen i chat wif my frens. i forget. but wen i'm alone. i remember. perhaps i'm not afraid of loneliness. i'm afraid of losing something. i like to solve problems for others. i dunno how to solve it myself. tts all.

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, problems are created by ourselves. we allow them to happen. rite? do u haf urgent matter to attend? where r u? loneliness is freaking me out. tears juz wun fall. no matter how hard i wish to cry it all out. cox there's voices telling me tt it's ok. i can do it. there's always sunshine after e rain. Angel's coming back soon. how soon. it's sooner or later. or too late to be soon. i miss you. light it all up before it's too late. :( I LOVE YOU]

i died.
8:10 PM

Monday, April 23, 2007

*exhausted*.. thought i can end work at 6pm sharp.. but! i was wrong.. again.. haiz.. went to work @ 1030am cox needa go to sch to hand in e medical examination form. den.. supposed to haf lunch @ 1.15pm.. den.. so much work to do.. and not enough staff.. so i din leave. stayed till 2.25pm.. den go eat.. not realli hungry lar.. but i juz need a break.. cox it's reali tiring.. my brain is gonna explode any time.. cox there's so mani instructions for me.. haven even finished one yet, here comes another.. my memory is alreadi so limited! how to remember to much tings?!!??! and i think i made a few mistakes today. but it's ok. muz learn frm mistakes wat.. oh yar! den noe wat time i left? 810pm!! oh manz.. e full timer actualli told mi to work till 7pm.. by 7pm i alreadi lost my smile.. juz keep doing e tings.. keep on working.. non-stop.. trying to finish more things by 8pm. cox they closes at 8pm. so tt tml i can haf lesser things to complete in e morning. but! i still haf things to do next morning.. so yar. working 9am tml. gotta sleep early. i miss sleep. so much. hope to find my smile tml. goodbye tiredness.. i dun like u.. :(

no more strength to think abt other things now. maybe i've done e wrong thing. yes. i admit. but this is wat i think i should react at tt point of time. needa do some reflection. but not now. brain is on e verge of melting. breaking down. this is physical n mental torture. been working for so long. nv felt so tired be4. maybe cox i stopped for so long too. and i'm now planning for my studies. needa plan time table for my work too. the writing clinic will start on 14May. weekly, 6-9pm. i still can work! yeah! :) okie.. think tts all i wanna type.. haf an early nite everyone! it's a brand new day tml! jia you jia you! I can do it! We can do it! :)

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, u r so far away from me today. was nowhere near u. no where. but i noe i'm not lonely. guess we're all juz tired. of living e same way over n over again. but it's life. i'm enjoying it still. pls come back. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
9:27 PM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

it's my simple sunday again.. meaning staying at home n rest.. was out e whole day to nite yesterday.. was realli tired.. but woke up earlier den i expected.. as usual, watch a tv game show wif bro.. we'll always make comments and chat abt stuff.. dunno whether we'll still be like tt after he enters NS.. i hope we'll still remain e same :) bro told me tt he's gonna sell away his PSP.. den he'll get e Nintendo ds lite for me. yeah! so happy.. hehe :) e other day wen michelle came over to meet me @ my house, she brought it out and played for me to see. so funny games!! interesting!! hehe.. wanna get e pink one too! bro realli dotes on me a lot.. so diff frm last time. not tt i wan sth expensive, but it's juz sth i had liked to haf. wen i'm bored, i can always entertain myself wif tt. and i dun play complicated games, therefore, it's such a great entertainment for me! hehe. i dun realli like pple other den my family members to get things for me without any reasons. except for my birthday.. haha! alrite.. so i had a delicious meal of magi mee today.. yeah!

wen i'm home alone, tts wat i normally craved to eat.. hehe. so happy! guess wats e 3 things on top? biscuits. haha! always liked to mix n match wen i eat.. hehe.. strange rite.. i like to eat rice with pineapple tarts during chinese new year period! haha.. hehe.. :)

tml will be a busy day.. but i expect myself to return home on time, cox e senior assistant is back. :) hope i'll get home early so tt i can watch CSI NY! yeah! haha.. oh! gotta go clinic early morning, juz be4 my work. hope i can wake up in time. hehe.. cox i napped for 3 hrs today. haha.. cant take it u noe.. so tired.. haha.. and i kept hearing yawns from somebody.. haha.. alrites.. tts abt it.. i'll update abt my BBQ yesterday wif my dearest Yunnan YEPians later on, wen i've collected all e photos.. hehe :) love ya guys! :)

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, i nv doubt in frenships. i've always believe tt u'll tell mi wen u feel like to. therefore i nv asked much if i noe tt i shouldn't. i'm glad to haf known such good frens from e YEPs, from my Poly life.. wat more can i ask rite. realli appreciated wat they haf done for me throughout, wat we've been through together. i'll be missing them always. although not all of us are tt close, but i feel that this frenship will last for a veri veri long time :) thanks Angel for giving me time for myself today. hope u took a gd rest too. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
10:21 PM

Friday, April 20, 2007

juz got e pics from agatha.. so here it is.. enjoy.. hehe.. :)

A Date wif My Angels [from agatha:]