Before Am Gone.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

it's been a week since my heart drowned in e dead sea. it all seems yesterday, but i alr forgot e hurt tts so painful. dun realli wanna remember how it realli feels though. not mani noes. but rite now, i'm confident of living my life e way i wanted. yes, there's still restrictions. i dun wanna hurt nobody. so restrictions are necessary. i wanna live better den anyone else. to u, i might be still drowning. but instead of being down, i wanna replace it with sth else. going to work do solve a lil prob. all my darlings realli brightens up my day, lighten up my life. but it onli lasted for a few hrs. this morning as i taught my K2s e song, 'Graduation', tears filled my eyes. am sure all of ya noe wats e song is abt. am still having lots of qns abt frenship. to me, its so special n precious. however, i understand tt everybody is diff. but for me, i can give up everything. maybe it might not be for frenship. juz not to hurt anyone. wen u're used to hurting yaself, it's alright. nuttin matters. gals, thankx for being ard these days. really thankful tt i've got all of ya. Angels, we realli needa meet up soon. i've got so much to tell you. it doesn't matter if someone dun understand. cox i noe u gals noe me better den myself do. how long will i take this time? i've got no idea. it doesn't seem to work anyway. will my smile be e same? obviously no. but i noe wen u put a smile on ya face, it makes e world a better place. =) god noes wat will happen. but soon after, ppl might leave me. but they'll know tt i love them too much to hurt them. i've alr given up on one. think there's mani more to come. wadever it is, am still inside e box. willing to exit. but wanna make e right choice. so gals, lets move on together. we can do it! i love all of ya! *muackx*

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, i believe in wat i believe in. however, it doesn't stop them from coming towards me. did i make e wrong decision? i dunno. but there's hidden truths tt i wana reveal. wats stopping me? not to mess up pple's lives. not to be reminded of again. i noe tt i can pretend tt nuttin happened. but i cant this time. u noe how hard n bad it hurts. so bad tt i nv imagined it could hurt like this. it's alr done. i dun wan those apologises. those words like u dun mean to. i noe wat u're trying to say. but it's not gonna change anything. i dun hate or blame anyone. juz myself. seems like it's always me, giving myself so much of probs. Angel. u let me handle this myself. i hope i did well. but stay ard ok. i need ya. everytime. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
9:26 PM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

我把你的电话从手机里消除了

我把你的消息从话题里减少了

最后一班悬浮火车

满载悬在空气中的不舍

我们却像陌路旅客

在月台分开站着毫无牵扯

现在的我能说甚么

徘徊你们之间的流浪者

希望你是谅解我的

感动过的痕迹很难割舍

说决定心是给你的

却要你给我留下来的许可

我只想再哭一下下

把记忆彻底地分化

等哭完我就会回家

眼泪我会替自己擦

我只想再哭一下下

假如你不反对的话

以后我不会再牵挂

可知我有多努力啊

只有这办法才不再想他

他做了他觉得对的选择

我只好祝福他真的对了

爱不到我最想要爱的人

谁还能要我怎样呢

我爱的人

不是我的爱人

他心里每一寸都属于另一个人

他真幸福幸福得真残忍

让我又爱又恨

他的爱怎么那么深

我爱的人

他已有了爱人

从他们的眼神说明了我不可能

每当听见她或他说「我们」

就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

如果你不再出现

我的世界还有什么可贵

可惜不够时间

让我们试验什么叫永远

想念变成怀念

心动变成心碎

偏偏还会关切你最后属于谁

我的天空今天有点灰

我的心是个落叶的季节

我不知道如何度过今夜

所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

如果你从没出现

我会不会觉得快乐一些

可惜残忍时间总要把诺言一点点摧毁

突然发现站了好久

不知道要往哪走

还不想回家的我

再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我

就连我也有听过

我的快乐要被认可

委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落

拿掉防卫剩下什么

为什么脆弱时候想你更多

如果你也听说

有没有想过我

想普通交朋友

还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说

悬着一颗心没着落

要怎么附和舍不得又无可奈何

但你说抱歉爱上了我的好朋友

原来心酸比心痛难受

你们要快乐

要天长地久

你们没有错

爱是自由

走出这扇门后至少我还有辽阔

你们要快乐

要紧紧牵手

你们不幸福我会难过

成全最爱的人不是为了

看着他寂寞

又被爱伤了一遍

无所谓当作成长

把从前想了一遍

谢谢了伤我的人

想做乐观的人

每种雨声听了都不冷

我并不是天生爱寂寞

却比任何人都多

就算把世界给我

我还是一无所有

我要快乐

我要能睡的安稳

有些人不抱了才温暖

离开了才不恨

我早应该割舍

我要快乐

哪怕笑的再大声

心不是热的

全都是假的

我的决定是对的

~The End~

[Dear Angel, is this clear enough? for everything tt has alr been done. i cant be who i am anymore. who am i anyway? where'e e smile angel? its hurting wen u have to take a different route to face frenship now. wen u think tt things would have stayed e same always. its me who's not truthful to myself, me who says tt everything is ok, me who thinks tt it doesn't matter. so why bother abt me. my world is pouring. where's e shelter tt u promised Angel? now tt i rather get drenched, i'll walk to e exit. once i reached, i appeal to see ya hands. telling me it's ok, it's gonna be fine. wen u give too much, e return is hard to bear. am not available this days Angel, still, pls be ard. i need you. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
9:27 AM

Sunday, November 11, 2007

8th Nov, 2007:

went to nanda's house for Deepavali celebration. quite cool as there's only e YEP teammates.

hehe. i was there for like 2 hrs den went to met up wif Jill at tpy. she carefully chose her prawns for her b'day bbq e next day. after tt we head to her house and den went to kallang for a-mei's concert. as we're veri early, we went walking ard and taking pics.

hehe. ard 740pm, we met up wif my cousin, penny. e concert was fabulous! incredible! i really think tt she's fantastic! tears do filled my eyes wen she sang some ballads. we're familiar wif most of e song, and thus it feels like a ktv session for us. haha. though our seats are veri far away, and we're seating like diff levels, we had fun at e last part where we finally stood and were HIGH! hehe. after tt penny's frens drove us to town, where we finally sang jill her b'day song. hehe. sorry gal was a few mins late for e song. =) den they ate muffins before we took cab home.

sorry gals, i realli needa go to work e next day, plus wasn't realli in e mood to sing. dun wana flood k box rite. haha.

10th Nov, 2007:

work is e same. haha. i threatened reei to go to jill's bbq wif mi. hehe. after work, reei followed mi home to put down our things den head to e party. e party was fine..

and get to meet up wif my dear uncle mark n melvin. long time no see guys. nuttin changes. i'm so happy to see ya all! hehe. my bro den arrived thereafter. den! it rained. haha. wat a nite. they packed up and we went back to jill's place to put our things down. den, head to k box!!!

hehe. thankx gal for e company. sorry jill that i cant give ya e full attention on ya b'day, as there's too much filling my mind. throughout e nite, i spent 1+ hrs singing alone. haha. cox jill n reei went into their dreams! haha. after tt took cab home wif bro and jill. was a fun day though! hehe. =)

planned not to switch on my hp. but i still did. haha! woke up ard 2pm. den slacked a while.. napped from 4 - 6pm. hehe. after tt went out to meet jill for dinner.

den we decided to go zouk.

haha! agatha wen u see this, dun scold me. haha. i'm fine =) it's quite cool. i asked shin to come along also cox i dun realli noe how to go abt going in n stuff. haha! had a great time! thankx guys! *muackx*

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, it's time alr. all tt i've been through be4 have come together and hit me once again. this time, it's e hardest. and i hope it'll be e last time. nobody's at fault. cox i din say anything. i shan't say anything. it's all over n done wif. sometimes u realised tt frenship is veri fragile, even towards family members, and somebody u tot u knew them well, wasn't who you tot them to be. unsure how long i'll take. but its getting better i guess. Angel, life's pretty unpredictable rite? my children are falling sick. i realli hope tt they'll all get well soon. chase away all e viruses in my centre! kill them all! take gd care my darlings. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
2:46 AM

Saturday, November 03, 2007

okays here's e veri long lost entry. erm.. where should i start.. okie shall start wif my job.. --Part-Time Teacher @ childcare centre. haha. sounds weird hor. but it's e truth ma. hehe. anyways, e first day of work is scary. it's so empty if u dunno wat to do wif children. e worst thing will be u're not prepared at all! anyways, after a few days of interaction, i LOVE THEM!! haha. and after knowing tt i have to take e N2s as well, i'm very stressed! my proj wif e K1 and K2 has ended and i'm very proud of them. its amazing how much u can do for children. and yet stressful wen u haf so mani things on hand to plan n do. ok so abt my colleagues.. fun loving i should say. though had a bad day today. cox it's a messy nap cum play time. children! pls sleep!!! haiz! till now, i'm still happy to teach them and am fearing my last day of work. so sorry darlings, i wun be here for e concert. totally regreting it! but, i noe tt u'll all do veri well! will miss ya all =)

27th Oct, 2007:

long nite. haha. went to tampiness to meet wif alex, got jackie's present, den went down to her b'day chalet. happy 21st b'day gal! *muackx*

lovely angel n devil theme. hehe. interesting =)

den after tt went over to clarke quay to meet up wif my yep yunnanians. walked ard and e halloween mood is like filling e air. haha. weird ppl all ard. haha! den we finally settled down at satay club. e sotong is nice! haha. anyways, had a great time being lame n crapping n crazy. got a lil dizzy though. haha. it feels diff wen u cant control ya mind, but can control ya body. haha. cool experience i should say :) had lots of fun! thankx guys!

den erm.. think e following day i had a stupid n lame idea of sending marcus n shin off. haha. cox they're going for their outfield alr. juz a form of support :)

alrites. so most recently, i went to this energy bao bao hui (hugs hugs) haha. well i realli noticed tt i grew up a lot. meaning, i dun realli feel excited or wat. juz wanna go support them as i've been doing so since 5 yrs ago they released their 1st album. yupz. so how do i feel after hugging them? erm.. shy. haha. but nice lar. cox they're all well build and.. juz e right height. haha. it's been realli long since i saw them. now i sounded like their fren. haha. well i muz say it's juz a form of support and i'm too old for this kinna things. but i would still like to go and enjoy e atmosphere once a while =) so jill n i went for dinner after tt. and den went home. sorry gal, i juz cant be as high as ya. haa! but den also made me realised sth. ppl change and things change too. so on tt day onwards, i stopped thinking of e topic reei n i have been talking abt. well it's always like tt. sometimes wen i woke up in e morning, i feel better, as if going through another stage of my life. or simply taking another step out of tt drowning pool. i've looked at things differently now. well, juz be me. take gd care of my children n do my job well. other things? let mi think for others first. i do tt stuff better. =)

anyways, last sat we went to sentosa wif weimin's frens. and e main character for us is zhi hong! haha. welcome back to e lion city! had a fun day manz! and so clever of me for forgetting to bring sunblock. haha.

then on sun we went to Liza's house, who is my supervisor. be4 tt we so clever ate lots of donuts! haha.

so by e time we get there, we're like super full. haha. anyways, fu nai sorry tt we're talking abt work. i din expect tt to come too! after tt we went to town, shop a lil n ate a lil.

hehe. thankx gals for e company! shall meet wif e rest soon ya. take gd care :)

Lots of loves, hugs n kisses,

Sharon

[Dear Angel, thank you for making me understand n see through it. sometimes, it's not sth tt's within my control. yes, tt dream surprised n scared me. i asked myself loads of qns. but none was answered. i dun wan to. thanks for making me move on, juz like be4. well, i guess it's not time yet rite. u noe me e best. i juz dun wanna lose anything now. i wan e best for everyone. I LOVE YOU]

i died.
12:34 AM